From Miami's recent incident that featured a naked man eating another human's face to a Peruvian man having his penis amputated after it was infected by a flesh-eating bacteria, and finally to the news that a 21-year-old Morgan State University student ate his roommate's heart and brain, it seems that one thing is for certain:
The zombie apocalypse is upon us. Luckily, New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow is still a living human and he's on our side, poised to save the world from those pesky undead.
Here's a look at five reasons why Tim Tebow will survive the zombie apocalypse:
1) The "big guy in the sky" is on his side: How else do you explain the Denver Broncos beating the Pittsburgh Steelers in last year's postseason? All that 'Tebowing' came in handy down the stretch last season, and it'll help in the event of a massive zombie attack.
2) The zombies would eat Rex Ryan first: Think about it from a zombie's perspective: Rex Ryan's belly is filled with all kinds of delicious treats like Twinkies and White Castle cheeseburgers, while Tebow is nothing but flavorless muscle.
3) Awkward throwing motion is perfect for scrambling zombie brains: Tebow's awkward throwing motion may not help him for life as an NFL quarterback, but it would be useful in his zombie-killing approach.
His chiseled 6-foot-3 frame and huge biceps would help him have the strength and energy to lug around the biggest machete available, and go on a serious zombie decapitation spree.
4) Excellent leadership abilities: Darrelle Revis recently called Tim Tebow a "born leader," and leadership is a quality that can be useful in guiding the masses through high-pressure situations.
Instead of a situation where there's panic in the streets when hundreds of brain-eating zombies are plodding forward, Tebow will keep us calm and collected.
5) Speed "kills": There's a lot of things that Tebow isn't good at, but he excels when it comes to running. Zombies are slow creatures that are easy to outrun, and Tebow has an good a chance as any to escape their deadly grasp by jetting past them.
Running away is only half the battle, but it puts you in good position to get away and think about your next move.
Will Tim Tebow save the world from the impending zombie apocalypse? Let me know in the comments.
Eric Holden is a lifelong New York Jets fan. Follow him on Twitter @ericholden.
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